Happy 6th Gotcha Day, Philip!

We celebrated Philip home six years on Monday, June 23rd.  Can't believe our sweet, funny, inquisitive little son has been home that long!  He can't either! 

One of the first pictures we saw of our little guy over spring break

(both Kevin and I are teachers) in April 2008. 

The sparkle in his eyes caught our hearts right away!

 

 

Daddy holding Philip for the first time - Philip

wasn't too sure about this "family stuff"

 

 

First time in Mommy's arms - he really

wasn't sure about having a new family at this point!

 

 

Despite his hesitation when first meeting us, Philip quickly warmed up to

 his new mommy and daddy and was such a happy boy in China!

 

 

What a wonderful "Welcome Home" Philip received

when we stepped off the plane.  Our loving family and

friends welcomed our little boy home with open arms and hearts!

 

 

Once home, my dad and Philip became best buddies.

Dad only lived another year and half, but in that time, he and

Philip forged a strong bond that will last for eternity.  Love this picture

of my dad, my uncle (Dad's brother), and our tiny son.

 

 

My mom loved to come play with our little children.

Philip was so very close to her as well.  She passed away

last summer.  He misses both of his grandparents

but was blessed to get to know them. 

 

 

 

Couldn't find a picture of Gram with Philip but wanted to

include this sweet picture of Kevin and his mom because

Philip still is blessed (we all are) to have his Gram in his

life. They are kindred spirits in their love of puzzles and games.

When we say that we are taking our kids to Grams for a game date,

he lights up!

 

 

Philip loves, loves, loves his siblings.  He and his

biggest brother are especially close.  When Philip first came

home, Ted was still away at college and had a difficult

time getting Philip to bond with him, but now you would

never know! They are such sweet buddies.

 

 

Philip and his China siblings are very close.

They play for long hours, talk and giggle like crazy,

and genuinely love each other.  When watching these lovies

together, it is difficult to imagine that there was a

time they didn't know each other.  It is a joy

and privilege to parent all of our children!

 

 

Philip has lots of family who love him dearly - aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Here he is with two of his big cousins whom he considers his good friends, too!

 

 

Philip surrounded by his family - We say it every year

and with all of our children, but it is true - we can't imagine

Philip (or any of our children) not being here.  We love him

to the moon and back!

 

When we tucked him in at night on his Gotcha Day, he beamed and

said, "Thank you for adopting me."  Oh honey, the pleasure is all ours!  We

would do it again and again.  Our quiver is full.  Our hearts overflow!

 

Happy 6th Gotcha Day, Philip!

 

 

 

Miss Sophia's first dance recital

Our Sophia performed in her first dance recital tonight.  It was joyful watching our beautiful daughter shine. 

 

 

Sophia has come a long way in confidence since coming home almost three years ago.

 

 

 

 

She has such a sweet spirit and is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. 

 

 

 

 

Above is a lovely picture of Sophia and her grandma. 

 

 

 

 

Some of her fans came to cheer her on!

 

 

 

 

Sophia's family - we adore her!

 

Sophia has the most tender heart.  She wants to become a minister when she grows up.  She loves Jesus so.  We love her!

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Gracie Chengmei!

Today is a very special day.  It is Gracie's first birthday home after living her first seven years in an orphanage.  I want to share two pictures of our girl with you all today. 

The first one was taken on our long flight home from a very difficult two weeks in China.  The hurt, mistrust, and overwhelming feelings you can see on Grace's face were very real to our girl.  We will probably never know all Grace went through up to her Gotcha Day on February 17th, but we can sure make some assumptions that are more than likely fairly accurate.  Orphanage life, no matter how lovely a facility or how dedicated nannies might be, is still less than.  It is less than in love, in individual attention given, in feeling secure most of the time.  It is less than in so many areas.  The biggest area it is less than is that it doesn't have the ability to help a child grow into a secure and healthy adult.  It helps contribute to making them react as an animal would in so many ways instead of a fully functioning human.  I know there are good and bad institutions, and I know there are many, many dedicated and loving care givers.  I also know what I know about our Grace. 

Our time in China receiving and getting to know Grace was some of the roughest time in our lives.  Those first few weeks rank right up there in my mind and heart as when we have lost our three parents, Kevin's time with cancer, and Ted's earliest days in the special care nursery when he was born.  I know that sounds overly dramatic, and some of you might be thinking, "How could she say that?  How could meeting a new child be as sad and traumatic as losing a parent or going through cancer or wondering if your newborn son was going to be ok?" 

I want to keep it real today.  The time in China was horrendous.  Grace came to us with a final word of parting from her nannies.  "She is stubborn," they said as they walked out the door.  Stubborn didn't even begin to cover what our Grace was those first few weeks and months.  How can I describe such a small and damaged little girl to you?  Kevin stayed home with our young sons, and my friend Deidra and my daughter Sophia traveled with me to receive Grace.  Even though I skyped with Kevin A LOT  and for LONG PERIODS OF TIME, it has still been difficult for him to even understand how damaged Grace was at first.  When I talk of our time in China, he still shakes his head in disbelief at the magnitude of Grace's disturbed behaviors.

Grace, it was instantly obvious, could not process even the smallest details in her new environment.  She wasn't just stubborn, she was not even capable of filtering events and settings around her except to try to manipulate them.  She could only be in "survival mode" at all times.  The only things she could do well were to have gigantic meltdowns and manipulate the adults in her world.  HEARTBREAKING. 

Every trip outside the hotel room was fraught with trauma for her and us.  She was expert at gaining the quick approval of Chinese adults, whether that was the man on the elevator or the restaurant waitress.  We found out later from our guide that the Chinese words she was speaking to others were things like, "I love you," and "I think you are pretty/handsome."  Then she would demand they give her something.  It was the doctor's lunch in the clinic, some sort of merchandise in the store, a different plate and a different food in the restaurant, even things off the maid's carts in the hallway.  The time of the maid cleaning our room was even a tough spot as she demanded and received things from her each day.  We had to constantly be alert to these dangerous interactions on her part.  She approached strangers and acquaintances alike with the sole purpose of obtaining something.  And she did it all in the loudest voice I had ever heard a child her size use.  Her speech was demanding and frantic at the same time.  She had no other frame of reference for behavior.  SAD BEYOND BELIEF.

When I would step in and say no to the person wishing to give in to her demands, Grace would go into some sort of terrible trance and begin her descent into a huge meltdown where she would scream and wail and try to bang her head on whatever hard surface she could find.  She would fall to the ground and writhe as if in pain.  If she happened to stay standing, she would fling her limbs outward in such a freakish way that people would instantly recoil.   This happened over and over again, on dirty restroom floors, in Chinese governmental offices, in our hotel lobby, on the sidewalk as we were walking someplace, in restaurants, while touring cathedrals and temples alike, on playgrounds, in stores, in airport waiting lines, you name it.  And even if people (mostly strangers) gave into her demands, it only fed her frenzy. 

She would hit, kick, scratch, and try to bite me often.  I did therapeutic holds more times than I can count.  I whispered that I loved her, Jesus loved her, she was worthy over and over again.  We were always on "high alert" for danger to and from Grace.  There was never any "down" time.  We were all in "survival mode" during the day and only partly relaxed at night. 

I woke each morning early, around 3 a.m., and would quietly slip into the bathroom to read the comments from our blog and pray.  I wept as I read each comment, those life-giving, sustaining comments.  You have no idea how they helped strengthen me.  Then I would pray.  Actually, Deidra, Sophia, and I never stopped praying once we received Gracie.  Kevin and so many people back home were praying, too.  We prayed under our breath in hotel elevators, while eating out, in the gardens of the temple, on our knees at the Christian cathedral, and in restrooms.  We relied on our wonderful guide, John, like we were reaching out for a life boat on stormy high seas.  We put one foot in front of the other while praying, and God got us home safely and soundly.  Giving all praise to Him who brought us home and continues to sustain us.  Thanking God that Sophia and Deidra were there in the terrible times to help sustain Gracie and me.

The trauma didn't stop when we returned home.  Gracie's meltdowns were much easier to handle and are gradually being extinguished, but the trauma of her previous existence didn't miraculously go away.  It is slowly improving. And we are slowly learning to love her in such a way that we will never let go, but this road has been one long difficult one, for sure.  For us, and most assuredly for Gracie. 

But now at home, with Kevin by my side, and our little family learning how to relate to Grace and she to us, through consistency and love, discipline when needed, guidance always, through knowledge of the adoption process of attachment and bonding, through family and friends helping to give us time to bond with our precious girl, things are improving.  Through God all things are possible. 

Now look at the next picture.  It was taken yesterday at our homeschool field trip.  Oh my!  Can you believe it?  Only our God can bring such a miracle - beauty from ashes I say. 

 

 

Our Gracie is learning what love is, the love of our God and the love of her family.  We are learning patience (not always), perseverance, extreme love, and how to relate to a child so broken but now beginning to heal.  We are far from perfect, and many days we don't even hit the mark, but God is teaching, molding, and guiding us daily.   Gracie is learning what security means, what boundaries are, what joy there is in trying something new and exciting, what living in a family really means - the give and take of life.  She is responding daily to new situations around her and is beginning to do it in a gentle and calm manner.  She is learning to give love as well as accept it. 

 

 

Truly on this day, her first birthday home, she is a treasure.  Life is precious, and we are so thankful God brought us together.  Happy Birthday dear one.  We will love you forever.  

Homeschool Highlights

We love homeschool! 

 

If you had told us six years ago that we (two public school teachers) would be homeschooling all of our China treasures now, we would have thought you were crazy! 

Practicing for our homeschool co-op's end-of-the-year music concert

 

 



Homeschool?  Who, us? 

 

What about the socialization? 

 

 

 

The night of the music concert from the co-op's music students

 

 

 What about the curriculum? 

 

 

What about the time constraints? 

 

What about, what about??

 

 

 

Playing a game of "Duck, Duck, Goose" at our homeschool co-op Field Day

 

 

 



Waiting for the "Balloon Stomp" at Field Day

 

 

 

After Field Day, there was still time to visit the zoo with friends and

see one of the new and exciting exhibits!

 

 

I stay home and teach our four youngest children.  Some days are trying - too much to do, too little time (not all that different from teaching in the public school). 

 

 

But, overall we are so happy with our decision!  We can pick and choose what and how to teach our kids.  We can shore up their needs and enhance their strengths.

 

There is so much we can teach - God's word, history, math, language arts, many, many kinds of literature, science, art, music, pe, social skills, and so much more. 

 

We can do it all through individual instruction, group instruction through our co-op, and field trips with friends. 

 

 

Love homeschooling. While I know not everyone wants to or has the time or resources to homeschool, we thank God that He has put this type of teaching on our hearts.  The sacrifices we make to homeschool seem so small compared to the benefits.  Our children are thriving and growing into Godly young people who are interested in the world around them, and we get a front row seat! 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Happy Mother's Day

It was a sweet day today. 

 

Church with my husband and children this morning . . .

 

Brunch with our neighbor, Dottie, and our children . . .

 

Rounding out the day with our nephew's college graduation and dinner out with some of Kevin's family, including my mother-in-law . . .

The graduate and his peeps

 

 

The graduate and his grandmother - a very sweet picture

 

 

Ted and his "little" cousin

 

 

Alex and some of his groupies

 

 

Some adorable people who made my day

 

 

Missing my mom today. 

It was her first Mother's Day in Heaven. 

Sending our love and hugs to her. 

 

But mostly, today was a very lovely day spent being cherished for being a mom and wife, surrounded by my amazing family!

 

 

 



Kevin, it's your day!

Happy Birthday to Kevin on his 57th birthday!

 

 

 

 

No matter his age, young or old,

he is the best husband and father around.

 

 

 

Silly beyond compare

 

 

Patient, too, especially when little ones

are throwing fits

 

 

Always there for every occasion

 

 

The sweetest, most loving man I know

 

 

Loves all creatures, great and small

 

 

Is an encourager

 

 

Makes us smile even in tough times

 

 

Makes special moments for each of us

 

 

We love, love, love, this faithful, wonderful, goofy, loving, dependable, hard-working, amazing man!

 

 

Thank you God for our Kevin!



Setback

Remember the last post?  The one where I said Gracie was doing so well?

 

 

She is, really. . .for this short time into our transition, but . . .

 

 

We can so easily forget when we see her sweet little face beaming that she has still come from an extremely difficult place and still has miles and miles to go to get to a good place in her healing.

 

 

And so it was that we were reminded of that sad fact when our dear little Philip had his bone graft surgery this past week.  When we were raising only Ted (or when Philip first came home which felt like raising an only child again), it was so easy to focus solely on one child's needs.  Whatever Ted had going on, be it surgery, a concert, a sporting event, etc., Kevin and I were always there.  When Philip came home, we only had to share our time with a toddler and a college guy.  Pretty easy to do.

 

Now though, we have entered into the land of splitting our time and presence to help all of our children having a present need.  This is not new territory to many families, but this has come to us rather later in life, and it is a transition for us as well!  :)

 

Since Gracie came home, all of our attention and focus has had to be on her.  She has so many needs right at this moment.  But Philip - he needed us too as his surgery was a tough one.  Ted graciously came and sat with our three little ones at home while Kevin and I spent the day with Philip.  Then I spent the night at the hospital with him as well.  Gracie's new normal was rocked.  She loves Ted, and that presents a bit of a problem at times since she will easily transfer her beginning attachment from us to him.  It seems at first that our children from difficult backgrounds can only focus on one attachment at a time.  She goes back and forth between Kevin and me as it is.

 

So throw her into spending all day with Ted (who is just plain wonderful), and she retreats in her progress.  Then throw into the mix that her new mama and brother aren't there at night and perhaps her new daddy is a bit worried about her missing brother's well being, and by morning she was a mess.  On top of that, a loud and scary thunderstorm woke both Gracie and Elijah in terror in the morning.  By the time Philip and I came home from the hospital, she had gone back into her "orphanage survival skill" mode and met us at the door stumbling and flailing her arms and legs around.  Her gaze was glazed over for most of the day, and she just sat and stared out into space.  Truly it was heartbreaking to see.

 

How easily life can take our precious broken children back to a bad place again.  We have had a time getting her back as our Philip has needed a lot of attention.  We are happy to say that Philip is healing well and getting back to his old self again, but our Gracie has taken a bit longer to feel a little more secure again.  Getting glasses for the first time yesterday, you could just see her starting to slip away a little.  Oh, the dance of attaching and bonding.

 

Steps forward, steps back. . .

New glasses for both of our girls.  Gracie has rubber frames because she is

 not the most careful of children with her belongings.  LOL!

 

Not completely up to par, but feeling better every day!